Looking for Jesus

A Testimony from Women's Retreat submitted by Faye

Letter to Jesus I’ve been looking for you Jesus… I didn't seem to find you in my day to day life. I was yearning to grow closer to You, to hear You speak to me, to love You better and to be more like You. But I put other things before You; my job, my chores, my responsibilities as a wife, a mother, a daughter…. Everything that You gave me; I placed before You! I had no time to pray, no time to speak to You or listen to You. I wanted to find You again.

Two years back You turned my world around! YOU came looking for me, YOU met me where I was and YOU took me as I was, with all my sins, my flaws, my anger… You called me Yours…Thank You Jesus!

But as time passed by I wandered and I kinda lost you on the way…. I’ve been waiting for a retreat ever since then and I finally got one! As always, You gave me more than I was looking for… a 2 day silent retreat! Two days to spend time with You, to talk to You, to love You, to grow closer to You…I was nervous and excited.

The day finally arrived! I left early from Milton, so I could be a little ahead of schedule, but I took a few wrong turns and my journey was delayed by almost 20 minutes. I finally took a right turn into what I thought was Mount Mary's retreat Center, but I realized I was in the wrong building. I drove back out, all around the street and then back again to the retreat center. I came looking for You Jesus, but I couldn't find You… I parked by the school and I had no idea where I was supposed to be. I walked around, and rang the school bell, but no response…. I couldn’t find You Jesus. I then called Tima and she asked me to go to the Villa, but there were no signs and I had no idea where the Villa was!

Thankfully I met Joy and she directed me in the right way. I was finally going to find You Jesus! We started our retreat with a round of introduction, then Mass and a beautiful talk by Fr. Louis. A past memory that was buried long ago popped up in my head and I tried to push it away. I got back to my room and I prayed and I tried to listen for You Jesus, but You didn’t speak to me, I still couldn't find You! But the good news was I still had more than a day and I was confident that You would definitely open the ears of my heart so I could hear You and speak to You.

After Fr. Adam’s talk the next morning the old memory came back with a bang! And along with it, it bought a whole load of tears. I went to confession and it eased my mind, but I still couldn’t find You Jesus! I walked around the retreat house and I was surrounded by your breathtaking creation. We said the Rosary and heard Mass, but I still couldn’t find You. On my way back, I said a small prayer; maybe I was not meant to find You today or to hear You speak to me. I offered myself and all that I am and all that I have to You and asked You to show me the way and to always guide me.

We got back for Fr. Louis’ last talk of the day and suddenly through Fr. Louis’ voice YOU SPOKE TO ME JESUS! “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” I was looking for you, Jesus!

But then you showed me that you had never left, you were with me all along, walking with me, holding my hand, carrying me. I just didn’t take the time to notice…I didn't take the time to pray! And then you appeared in Flesh and Blood during adoration. I never want to lose sight of you again Jesus! Make me love you more, Make me more like you.

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The next Women's Retreat will be held on October 28 - 30, 2022 at Queen of the Apostles Retreat Center in Mississauga ON. Visit our Events Page and follow us on Facebook, WhatsApp & Instagram for updates. Read more testimonies from those who participated in RC Ontario events.